Discomfort
by ndj35
Summary: Patterson's been through a lot, and Kurt's determined to be there when she crumbles... Set sometime late season 2. Just a short scene I couldn't get out of my head.


_Author's note: Just couldn't get this little scene out of my head. Hope you enjoy._

 **Discomfort**

Kurt knows she's hurting. However hard she might try to hide it, it shines out of her like a beacon. She can bury herself in work, she can prove herself over and over again - not that she needs to - but the pain is still visible. And because he knows that at some point she will break open from it, he watches, and he waits, and he worries.

So one evening, when the lights are dimmed and the place almost deserted, and a sixth sense tells him to go looking, he finds her hidden in the corner of her lab, sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped around her knees, her face pressed into them. She isn't crying, she's just breathing, but her breath rasps like it hurts.

"Patterson?"

He sits beside her on the floor, even though she's already raising her head, denial at the ready, but he just watches her face and although she opens her mouth to speak, she closes it again.

"It's alright." He offers, and the bitter smile she gives in return looks wrong on her face.

"Is it?" She asks.

"I mean, it's alright to not be alright." He clarifies, frustrated by how lame that sounds, even if it's true.

She stays silent, and he follows her lead, just sitting there against the wall, his shoulder touching hers, as he considers how he'd do pretty much anything right now to be able to take away her pain.

"You know what I keep thinking about?" She asks, and the edge of her voice holds ragged bitterness, and he realises that her breath holds the tang of strong alcohol.

"What do you keep thinking about, Patterson?"

"How much time we spent in bed. How much he touched me." She looks for a moment as though she's going to retch, "Every part of me."

He doesn't have a reply to that, so he doesn't give one.

"I can still feel him on my skin." She whispers, disgust etched on her face, "It feels so..."

He puts his arm around her then, because he has to do something, however small, to try to alleviate her suffering, but he's half surprised that she allows it.

"I want to stop feeling him," She says, "I want to stop thinking about him, I want to stop feeling and thinking about anything, everything!" Her voice rises, and she finally looks at him properly, and the look in her eyes is dangerous. "I need to make it go away."

He knows what she means, knows what she's asking, even without her leaning into him, even without her lips parting slightly, but for all that he can't bear to see her in such pain, there are lines he can't, won't, cross.

She lifts her face a little, bringing her mouth close to his, and he almost wants to cry, because this is Patterson, and nothing should have ever been able to bring her to this point. He's failed her, letting this happen to her. And he tries to convey all of that in a kiss, a soft, chaste kiss to her forehead, cradling the back of her head as he holds his lips to her skin, as though he could draw the bad thoughts out of her if he just tries hard enough.

Then he settles her head against his shoulder, almost surprised when she doesn't protest, but then he remembers the smell of liquor and feels her body soften against his, and as he lets her gently slump into his arms, he knows that this, at least, is something he can do.

And so Kurt holds her as she sleeps, even when his legs start to go dead and his shoulder starts aching. After a while he manages to slip into a doze, his tiredness overcoming his discomfort, only to wake when he senses another presence in the room.

Jane stands in the doorway looking at them, and for a second he worries she'll get the wrong idea, but her face holds nothing but understanding. Silently, she moves away, only to return a few minutes later with a blanket. She bends and lays it softly over them, and for a second, Jane's face is as close to his as Patterson's had been, and he almost wants to close his eyes, because rightly or wrongly, if it was Jane in his arms seeking comfort of that kind, he wouldn't hesitate.

Their eyes meet, and then her lips brush his forehead and the irony almost makes him laugh. But he can't risk disturbing the friend in his arms, so he gives Jane a half smile that she returns as she leaves, and then cradles Patterson a little closer and settles in for a long and uncomfortable night.


End file.
